Happy New Year

I have to say that I am pretty happy that this year is over.  As you know, this year has been a tough one for me. I started a new job, quit that job, started another that I really do like.  I started seeing a therapist, finally. I grew stronger in my faith.  I sought help regarding our struggle with starting a family and got put on Metformin.. So...I guess that all in all 2011 wasn't really all that bad...a year of taking a step in the right direction I guess. So...with that in mind...Here's to 2012 and the amazing blessings that I see coming our way.  I hope that each of you are blessed beyond your hopes in 2012.  Happy New Year!

Picture from Google Images

In Strength, Love & Faith. Thanks for reading ~ Charity

Shot Down....

So...I pitched my idea for next Christmas to the family and they decided that they didn't think it was the best idea....nice, huh?  So...I guess that if they don't want to do it, they don't have to, but their gift from my husband and I will be a donation made in their name to one of our favorite Charities, or we will adopt a family with the money that the two of us would spend on them.And I will also suggest that instead of a gift for us, they give us a donation to put toward that Charity/Family.  I guess it doesn't need to be the entire family that participates, I just thought that maybe more people than just me would be willing to give instead of receive...I guess that's too much to ask for.

In Strength, Love & Faith. Thanks for reading ~ Charity

Yeesh!

It's been a month since my last Blog post,  and a busy month it has been! I have been working my arse off, we took a trip to KC to visit family, and celebrated Christmas here at home.  Honestly I could have done without the trip to KC...I would have much rather stayed home and gotten some much needed projects accomplished.  It was just a bad time of year to travel.
I wasn't much in the mood for Christmas this year.  I have been getting more and more grinchy about Christmas in the past few years and this year was the worst yet.  It just makes me so sad all the focus that is put on gifts and money for a bunch of crap that we don't really need.  So...next year I am suggesting that our family, instead of buying gifts for each other, we put whatever money we'd spend on those gifts and adopt a family or donate it to our local homeless shelter, and go to church together. We'll see how that plays out with my family....

Anyways, I hope that you and yours had an amazing Christmas and that God has blessed you with all that you have prayed for in 2011.  I think that 2012 will have some amazing blessings for me and my family.

Happy New Year!

In Strength, Love & Faith. Thanks for reading ~ Charity

BUSY BEES!

Good day!  I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and that you were able to spend it with people that you love.  Life has been pretty dang busy here.  Just that time of year I guess....but on top of that, work has been really difficult lately.  We have been working short handed lately, and "upper management" refuses to call in reinforcements for us.  Call me crazy, but I don't think that healthcare is a place where you should skimp on the help...because patients don't always get the care they need and deserve when there are not enough care takers to go around.  So, now we are all getting burned out and are working 6-7 days a week to help cover empty/really short shifts, we aren't even taking lunch breaks to make sure that every one of our patients are getting at least a smidgen of what they need to thrive.  And on days like today when our ER is busy and I have to be stuck down there...that only leaves less help.  It's VERY frustrating!  Haha.  But...we are trying to keep our spirits up and trying to be thankful for super busy days and having them go by really fast.  Anyways...that's enough bitching, haha.

In LB news...I've maintained since I last updated...boo...but I will take it since I haven't been very good at working out and making sure Im eating the correct things lately.  ONWARD!  I know I will feel a lot better once I start again, and maybe won't be so flippen exhausted all the time....

In Baby news....no big updates...but I think I am PMSing big time...and I feel so yucky, so Im sure that the "Red Menace" is on her way...Oh well...another chance to try again!  Now, if I could just get my husband to cooperate!

Have a GREAT week everyone!


In Strength, Love & Faith. Thanks for reading ~ Charity

BIG NEWS!!

Well...not THE big news, but big news none the less.  I OVULATED!!!!  I am sooo happy!  I have had no period this month...so far anyways, because prior to this (as I blogged about previously) I hadn't ovulated at the "correct" time.  BUT, I finally have!  So...stay tuned! Prayers for baby dust please?  Thanks so much, and have a great week!

In Strength, Love & Faith. Thanks for reading ~ Charity

Happy

Ok...so...(I know I start a lot of posts this way, haha) I just realized that I haven't updated about the ol' "Pounds" portion of this here blog.  This is partly because other things have been on my mind, and partly because I just haven't stepped on the scale in the past few weeks.  But, I will try to find a few minutes to do it at work tomorrow. (That's a nice thing about working at a hospital...there's no shortage of calibrated scales!)  Maybe that will be my goal...every Friday to step on the scale and update.  That will make me hold myself accountable for actually sticking to my healthier eating habits and exercise routine, haha. 

In "Pregnancy" news...I went and spoke to my Doc friend today again.  (He's so wonderful) I just had a few questions regarding taking the Metformin, average time spans between when women start taking it and conceiving and so on and so forth.  So...the answer is 6 to 8 months between starting Metformin and conceiving...average...Now, I am not the most patient person on earth...but, I find this more than acceptable.  He said that he is very optimistic for this to work for me, and is very confident that we are taking the correct steps to making me a mommy.  (YAY!) I am so very thankful for this man.  He has helped me in more ways than one, and he is so kind and generous and willing to help in any way he can.   People like him remind me that there are amazing people in this world who are willing to make a difference, and that is so refreshing. 



Photo courtesy of Google Images



In other news, I love my husband so much!  Haha! And, as of this moment, I am content, which is something I haven't been in a while. 

In Strength, Love & Faith. Thanks for reading ~ Charity

Who Can Argue With That?

Well...I'm not giving up, but I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to.  I am emotionally exhausted, but my husband and I talked and decided that we just can't throw in the towel yet.  We will keep trying for another year while I am on Metformin and having regular cycles and continuing to lose weight.  After this year, if I'm still not pregnant, we will pursue other options. 

I know that this probably sounds silly to most/all of you, but the other night I asked God for a sign...a sign that we need to keep trying.  I asked for a specific sign, and a bit later, he provided that sign, exactly what I asked for.  I know that it wasn't just subconscious, because I was distracted and playing with my cats when the sign appeared, and I instantly remembered that this is what I asked for, what I begged for, and God is telling me to not give up.  So...who can argue with that?

In Strength, Love & Faith. Thanks for reading ~ Charity

Desperation Is An Ugly Thing



I am having a really hard day today.  I feel heartbroken and helpless. I haven't ovulated this month, or at least if I have it was super early or will be super late.  I have tested every day for almost two weeks and they have all been negative.  After having so much hope last month and with starting another cycle this month....and then this...I hate this, I hate it.  I am desperate for help, desperate for hope, desperate for something to make me feel like this won't continue to be such a hard battle.  I am so sick of struggling that I'm about to just give up.  I try SO hard to give this up to GOD and just let Him have it...but it's hard.  I keep wondering what I can do,what I have to do to make this happen.  I am begging for a sign, a sign to either give up or keep trying...I just don't know what to do.  My heart has shattered today.  After trying to hold it together and have faith and hope for so long, I can't do it anymore.  I don't feel like I have anybody to talk to about this.  My family doesn't understand, many of my friends don't understand and I don't want to bother those that do.  My husband, amazing as he is, doesn't get it...he just keeps saying "We'll just have to keep trying", but yet he refuses to "try"...I know he feels used sometimes, but this is something that we both want and if he's not willing to try his damndest with me...I don't know what...it's just extremely frustrating.  I guess I just have to keep praying...begging for some kind of sign, or for somthing to happen. 



Picture from Google Images



In Strength, Love & Faith. Thanks for reading ~ Charity

Pre-Seed

Let's face it....trying to make a baby, isn't always the most romantic of situations.  Scheduling sex, peeing on sticks to see if you're ovulating/pregnant, checking temperatures, trying specific positions that may or may not be the most comfy, but provide the best "sperm flow".   Not exactly sexy.  So...us ladies might have a slight issue with dryness.  With that in mind....I ordered some Pre-Seed , a sperm-friendly lubricant for the hubs and I to try.  I just figured with everything else that we are fighting, we don't need one more hinderance using KY or Astroglide or some other OTC lube.    AGAIN, you may be thinking eww, TMI...but, some people may not know that some lubricants can slow down the swimmers and even defect them, which is fine if you're not trying to get pregnant. And some people may not know that this is available!  But...the link is highlighted above to click on that goes straight to the website that I ordered it from.  YAY! 

With this "miracle lube" came a precious little packet of "baby dust" with a little poem on the front of the packet that reads" This baby dust is special, and is being sent to you, hoping it will help, your fondest dreams come true."  It's just some baby shower confetti in a cute little bag, but I just think it's sweet.  A special little touch that does not go un-noticed.  Thanks Baby Hopes for giving us a little sparkle of hope in this sea of doubt!

Strength, Love & Faith,
~Charity

Random...Oh, So Random!

Down two more pounds!  I feel so good, and it will only get better!  Now if I could just stick to working out every day instead of sporadically like it has been lately...oops!

In baby making news....PF11.2 ~as my husband and I call it~  (Pork Fest, 2011, round 2) (HA!) has commenced! TMI, I know...but the hubs and I like to keep a sense of humor about this situation...Thank God for my husband!  Pray for baby dust to fall upon us!!

Picture courtesy of google images

In other news, HUNTING SEASON STARTS TOMORROW!!  I'm so excited!  My family does outfitting for out of state hunters and some older people who may have a harder time hunting.  The electricity that is among all of us on the first day of hunting season is palpable! I LOVE IT!! 

Thanks for reading my random useless thoughts haha! Have a FABULOUS weekend all!

The Big Three Oh!

Image courtesy of Google Images

Well folks, down a total of 10 more pounds for a grand total of 30!!!!! (Since May, which means 10 since I started this Blog in September)  I was so frikken happy when I stepped on that scale at work today!  YAY!!  Now...On to the next 30!

Monthly Bills

Imange courtesy of Google Images

Welp, no pregnancy for me yet.  My monthly bill came today.  Surprisingly Im not as upset as I thought I'd be....I will take the small victory that I started another cycle which will make it two months in a row!! 

My husband is so stinking wonderful.  I know that many marriages suffer when put through the ringer like this. However, ours is growing ever stronger.  While this journey certainly hasn't been easy, having an amazing partner like my Jay Jay has made it easier to handle.  I love him so much that I can never ever even begin to put into words the feelings I have for this man. 

Anyways, I hope that everyone is having a good week.  Take care!

Thanks for reading!  Charity

Pea Soup

I stumbled across this recipe last fall and LOVE it.  It's perfect for this time of year when the weather gets chilly and it only takes about 30 minutes!  I hope you try it and enjoy!

2- 14oz cans reduced sodium chicken broth
2c. chopped onions
1- lg baking potato peeled and cubed
1-16oz bag frozen peas
1/4tsp- salt
1/4tsp-pepper

Combine broth onion and potato in a large saucepan, cover and bring to a boil.  Cook uncovered until the potatoes are fork tender (8-10 mins). Stir in the peasand bring to a simmer.  Reduce the heat and cook until the peas are bright green (about 5 mins)

Remove the saucepan from the heat and let the soup cool for 5 mins,

Pour the soup into a blender in batches and puree.  Return soup to the saucepan and stir in salt and pepper.  Cook over high heat,stirring, just until heated through (1-2 mins)

Serves 4

Metformin

Well...got my prescription for Metformin today.  I am going to get it filled this weekend when we can make it to Walmart since it is about 10 bucks cheaper there than it is at our local drugstore.  I was a bit skeptical at first about taking Metformin,but I trust this Doc very much and I know he wouldn't give me anything that would hurt me or that he didn't think would help. While Metformin is most commonly used for treatment of Type 2 Diabetes, it is also used to treat PCOS and increase the chances of women getting pregnant.  I have read up online and have read many success stories, and my Doc himself said that his sisters had taken it to aid in their conception journeys, so that makes me feel much better. 

For more information about Metformin and Pregnancy, Click here.

Thanks for reading! Charity

Nervous Feelings

Photo from Google Images

I am really worried.  I am scared that I am just setting myself up for disappointment by being so optimistic about finally ovulating.  It's not like I'm expecting to be instantly pregnant...but at the same time, I am hopeful that I am.  I have a nervous stomach constantly now and will until I can finally take a pregnancy test and know for sure.  It's so hard to sum up my feelings about this, but like I said, I am hoping that I am pregnant, but I'm not banking on it...and while I will be disappointed if I'm not, I will still be hopeful that it will happen soon, and with the medicine that my doc is planning on putting me on to regulate my cycles, I'm sure it will be sooner than later.  I should really just take the fact that I CAN ovulate as it's own victory for now, and just be calm and hopeful until those two little pink lines pop up on that fateful pregnancy test.  I could use some prayers from those of you who read this.  Prayers for patience, understanding, calm, and for that positive pg test to come in the near future.  Thank you so much in advance!

Thanks for reading!  Charity

GAHHHH!!!

This.....has been a week! 

So, after a long week of waiting for my Doc friend to have a moment to take a look at my ultrasounds, he got to it yesterday, and.....NO PCOS!!!  YAY!!!! 

On another note...I HAVE OVULATED THIS MONTH!  I know,  how exciting, right?  However for someone who doesn't do this on a monthly basis...and is wanting to get pregnant...this is pretty spectacular news!  In fact, I wasn't sure I even COULD ovulate because every ovulation test I have taken up to this last cycle has come up negative...and for the last 3 days I have had POSITIVE ones!  I can't describe the weight that this has taken off of my shoulders...knowing that I CAN do this is amazing.  So, now I am confident that sooner than later we will have a precious babe in our arms.  Maybe even 10 months from now.  GAH! 

In other news....down 2 more pounds this week!  YAY! 

::SIGH::

I am really struggling today.  I want to be a mommy more than anything, and the fact that it's not happening as easily as I wanted it to is really bothering me today.  I just found out that another one of my acquaintences is pregnant and I hate to say that it makes me so sad.  Not sad in the way that I am not happy for her and her husband...but sad in the way that I want it so bad and I can't have it.  I know that makes me sound so selfish, but I can't help it, as much as I may try I can't help the way that I feel and it kills me to feel that way. 

Turkey Burgers

I found a recipe that is MMMMMMM for turkey burgers.

1lb Turkey burger
1 Red pepper- chopped small
1 Yellow pepper- chopped small
1t. Cumin
1t. Chili powder
Chopped onion (however much you like)
Dash of tobasco
Dash of worcestershire
Salt and Pepper to taste

Mix all ingredients together in a bowl and shape into patties.  Grill until done.  Top with your favorite salsa and avacado slices. 

I hope you try this and ENJOY!, because they are delicious!

Zumba, Yoga and PCOS

Well...one week down and I have maintained my weight.  No loss, but it's better than gaining!  I wasn't really surprised due to all the running around we were doing and therefore eating whatever is handy or going out over the weekend.  But, back on track I go. 

For exercise I do Zumba...a high intensity dance workout that is quite fun.  So...I do that for an hour Monday-Friday.  Then...When I get home from work, and I'm all stressified...I like to do a few Yoga poses and do some deep breathing and stretching for about 40 minutes.  Plus Im running up and down hallways ~1,000,000 times a day.  I should really get a pedometer...I think I may be surprised at how many steps I take in a day!

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday about an injury I had at work. (I needed a follow up appointment for worker's comp to pay the damn bills).   I work with this man on a day to day basis and I think he is wonderful!  Anyhoo...after we are done discussing my toe injury (extreme, I know) he asks me how I am doing, "okay" I say.  Then he asks how my husband is. "good" I say.  Then he asks "I don't remember, do you have kids?"  Emotional breakdown ensues.  (dammit)  So...we had a long talk.  He offered to take a look at some pelvic ultrasounds I had a few years ago to check out my ovaries to check for PCOS or Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome.  Whatever the outcome, he has offered to help my husband and I on our journey to parenthood.  He told me about a medicine that I can take to regulate my cycles that he said a few of his sisters took when they were trying to conceive and it worked!  He's wonderful and never made me feel for one second like I shouldn't be trying to have babies because of my size (which is why I am doctor shy about this in the first place) or ashamed that we are having trouble. He said that my weight may be a factor in our inability to conceive at this point, but that it shouldn't stop us from trying.  So....my ultrasounds arrived today in the mail and I will take them to him on Tuesday when he is there again and we will go from there. 
Thanks for all the support to those of you who read this, it means a lot to  me to be able to share my story and have people care and support me!  You Rock!

Thanks for reading~ Charity :)

And We're Off!

Hello folks!  Where to begin....welp, guess I'll just jump right in! 

I am a big girl. I have never been a small girl...figure wise anyways...I came roaring out of my mother at a whopping 10lbs, and haven't looked back ever since.  I refuse to divulge my weight because I'm not so comfy with it at the moment/my whole life.  HOWEVER...I am now on a journey to a healthier & happier me and really trying to find out who I really am besides "the fat girl". 

ONWARD!

My husband Jay and I have been trying to get pregnant for a year.  Well...I suppose not really TRYING...but, not preventing.  When I went off birth control almost 2 years ago (because it was doing some effed up things to my body)  my doctor asked me weather or not I was ok with getting pregnant should the condoms that we were using at that point fail to work.  "Yes" I said, since I have wanted a baby for about 4 years, but time and circumstance weren't really on our side.  I also added "as long as should a surprise happen everything would be ok."...she hesitates..."Well, you are in 'general' good health, but there are risks"  ok...thatnks, I kinda knew that...but, then my mind started a-workin...and I thought every pregnancy has risks, right?  I know lots of big women that have had completely normal healthy pregnancies/children.  Why not give er a shot! 

Wellllll...here we are a year later...baby-less...still overweight...and hating myself more every time I see that one little pink line and begging that another little pink line will pop up next to it thinking "Stupid pregnancy test bitches and their faulty pregnancy tests!!"  I had a feeling in my heart of hearts that we would have trouble conceiving, no matter what...and now...I have a feeling in my heart of hearts that it's because I'm just too fat, and my body is saying "no way jose!" until I can lose some serious poundage. 

Which brings us to our next step....Weight Loss.

Since starting thinking more and more about this in May...down 20lbs. (without really trying)  YAY!  Having about a million more to go...Not so yay!    But, I have a plan...and now that I will be really trying, I think that it will be better.  I know I can do it, I just need to stay motivated, I need support (where you folks come in :) ) and I need to trust myself when I say "you deserve better for you, and for your future family".  YAY!  For the first time in a long time I may just be seeing myself as not such a horrible person after all...hmm whoda thunk.  So while most mommy's are trying to lose the tummy flab post pregnancy...Im trying to lose it pre pregnancy. 

I hope you will join me on this journey...it may get interesting....I will record weekly weight loss :) / gain :( as well as keep you filled in on negative and hopefully one day positive pregnancy tests. 

Thanks for Reading!  Charity