And We're Off!

Hello folks!  Where to begin....welp, guess I'll just jump right in! 

I am a big girl. I have never been a small girl...figure wise anyways...I came roaring out of my mother at a whopping 10lbs, and haven't looked back ever since.  I refuse to divulge my weight because I'm not so comfy with it at the moment/my whole life.  HOWEVER...I am now on a journey to a healthier & happier me and really trying to find out who I really am besides "the fat girl". 

ONWARD!

My husband Jay and I have been trying to get pregnant for a year.  Well...I suppose not really TRYING...but, not preventing.  When I went off birth control almost 2 years ago (because it was doing some effed up things to my body)  my doctor asked me weather or not I was ok with getting pregnant should the condoms that we were using at that point fail to work.  "Yes" I said, since I have wanted a baby for about 4 years, but time and circumstance weren't really on our side.  I also added "as long as should a surprise happen everything would be ok."...she hesitates..."Well, you are in 'general' good health, but there are risks"  ok...thatnks, I kinda knew that...but, then my mind started a-workin...and I thought every pregnancy has risks, right?  I know lots of big women that have had completely normal healthy pregnancies/children.  Why not give er a shot! 

Wellllll...here we are a year later...baby-less...still overweight...and hating myself more every time I see that one little pink line and begging that another little pink line will pop up next to it thinking "Stupid pregnancy test bitches and their faulty pregnancy tests!!"  I had a feeling in my heart of hearts that we would have trouble conceiving, no matter what...and now...I have a feeling in my heart of hearts that it's because I'm just too fat, and my body is saying "no way jose!" until I can lose some serious poundage. 

Which brings us to our next step....Weight Loss.

Since starting thinking more and more about this in May...down 20lbs. (without really trying)  YAY!  Having about a million more to go...Not so yay!    But, I have a plan...and now that I will be really trying, I think that it will be better.  I know I can do it, I just need to stay motivated, I need support (where you folks come in :) ) and I need to trust myself when I say "you deserve better for you, and for your future family".  YAY!  For the first time in a long time I may just be seeing myself as not such a horrible person after all...hmm whoda thunk.  So while most mommy's are trying to lose the tummy flab post pregnancy...Im trying to lose it pre pregnancy. 

I hope you will join me on this journey...it may get interesting....I will record weekly weight loss :) / gain :( as well as keep you filled in on negative and hopefully one day positive pregnancy tests. 

Thanks for Reading!  Charity